Arches National Park

We had a great time camping in Arches National Park :) We only went one night which was perfect as we had not ever been camping with all four of us before. It was so fun! We can't wait to try it again :) We took a few hikes to see some of the arches and the kids did so well. Rebekah needed plenty of lifts , but still did super. Preston only asked to be carried a few times on the way down. The views were breathtaking. I am not sure I would have taken the kids on the delicate arch hike if I had really known what we were in for, but it was doable (they just have no fear!!) there were a few heart stopping moments for me as I watched them slip and fall on the sleep slick rocks. It was so windy on the top of the viewpoint that I was having a hard time not getting blown over. I hardly even took the time to look at the arch because I was hanging on to my kids too tight and trying to keep us safe! It was so beautiful though, I am so glad we did it. It was also such a good feeling for me to see how much my physical body is improving in health and strength. My muscles are responding positively to the treatments I have been using and I feel so thankful. It is so easy to take our health and strength for granted-- I am feeling like I am being given so much to be feeling so wonderful :) Talk about blessings! I am hopeful that we can keep this up! I know the Lord is blessing me so much and I am so grateful. We are loving summer and keeping busy, and learning and growing together.


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For Camille

Dear Camille,
Here is the picture you have been requesting. "Two" much fun :) Rebekah loves her little necklace. Thanks for thinking of us!

New Tricycle

Rebekah has been saying for weeks that she needs a pink bike. I mean almost everyday she has said to me, "Mom today we go store buy me pink bike? Okay!" Her enthusiasm has not wavered. She loves Preston's bike and even though she can't operate the pedals because they are a bit too long she was not discouraged. Knowing how short lived the size of bike she was needing would be useful I must admit I have been hesitant to buy her a bike of her own. Last week though when I saw this on Craigslist for $2 just across town I was so thrilled. I asked her if we should paint it pink (I am a lover of spray paint these days) but she said no. She likes her pretty red bike :)

Preston likes to "help". He is finally pretty good at maneuvering his own little bike, but this week he has been a little jealous of this new cool tricycle. We have taken a few family bike rides around the block and everyone is getting better :) I can't believe how big these little kiddos are getting!

Growing Up Part 2

Preston's Birthday was great :) It is so rewarding to watch this little guy grow and change. The more I get to know Preston the more I love him. He has this way of wrapping my whole heart up in him-- I have never found the words to describe the feelings I have about being a Mother-- I just don't think words can really convey what it feels like. Perhaps I have shared here before a conversation I had with my Dad shortly after Preston was born. He asked me, "What is the biggest surprise?" I hesitated for just a moment and then it just hit me all at once. Maybe I was full of postpartum hormones, but I started to cry immediately, and I barely choked out, "how much I love him--I always knew my parents loved me, I just had no idea how much." It is a delight and honor to be this wonderful boy's Mother.

We had 2 birthday parties for the little man this year. The first was on his birthday. We made cupcakes that morning and planned to meet Dad for lunch at Preston's favorite restaurant. I put the frosting in a bag and prepared to pipe the cupcakes with a simple swirl. My hands were too stiff and swollen. I began to have a pity party, thinking how much I wished I could just do all the things I want to do each day, I wiped away a stray tear and decided this was just the excuse to let the kids help me frost the cupcakes. They were so excited and I hope that someday they won't remember that Mom couldn't make pretty cupcakes, but we had a great time frosting them together :)
'

We opened a few presents while at McDonalds. I left my camera in the car so there are no pictures of that portion of the party. That night he opened more presents. This picture says it all:)


Then the next weekend we were lucky enough to have a friend birthday party. Preston has the cutest little friend whose birthday is just a week and a half after his. So we ( really meaning this little friend's really talented Mother) threw them a double birthday party. It was SO cute and the boys were so excited. Here is Preston and Rebekah getting ready to play in the jump 'n bump while waiting for the guests to arrive.

Preston watching for his friends

THE CAKE: Seriously the whole thing was edible (except the toothpicks and the flashlight/headlight!) It was awesome! If you have seen the Dinosaur Train show on PBS kids you will recognize the cake-- she designed and made the whole thing without a pattern--just printed out the picture and went with it! WOW!

C and her cute daughter putting the finishing touches on the cake display!

The adorable birthday boys!!

Pinata after it was emptied-- Burke thought it made a fitting party hat!

More cool presents!

What a fun way to turn 4!!

Growing up Part 1

My darling Rebekah is 2!! I have taken so few pictures these last few months, and sadly, the ones I have here are not great, but that is just real life I guess! Rebekah had two things against having a rocking good birthday this year . . . The first was we scheduled our move the day after her birthday. So Mom and Dad were up to their eyeballs packing, and secondly out of nowhere she had a horrible stomach flu that started the night before her birthday, and lasted 8 days. So she spent much of her birthday in this position:
This is how I know she feels awful. She only sleeps on her face when she is super sick :( I felt so guilty. Not only were we not having any sort of party--it was one of those days that I should have been able to stop everything and hold my sick baby. And I couldn't . . .

Luckily after dinner (which I am sure was something really glamorous like leftovers--- but hey I knew she wasn't going to eat anything so I didn't feel the need to make a birthday dinner!) her fever broke and we had her open her gifts. I thought about fixing her hair before I sat her down to open gifts and take pictures, but I didn't have a clue where ponytails and hair combs had been packed away at that point . . .

*Whoppers* Burke says its not your birthday without 'em!

Pretty green dress from Grandma and Grandpa Hill! I will have to get a picture of her wearing it--so cute!

Preston and Daddy assembling the new dolly stroller. Silly Santa did not buy a beefy enough stroller so Rebekah needed a new one pretty seriously ;)

Accessorizing her Baby (Whom she affectionately refers to as, "Darling baby, Precious Girl, Honey" or something along those lines.)

Trying out the new stroller (and baby is wearing Rebekah's new Dora Pjs!)


Sis also received many thoughtful phone calls and birthday cards in the mail (my kids think getting mail is the best thing ever!) Just over a week after the fact I felt like she was well enough to handle cake and my camera was missing (Wow moving is SUCH a huge mess!) So even though I don't have a photo to prove it, I did try to make it up to my girl, and she loved chowing down on her birthday cake (and she seriously needed to put some weight back on so I was more than happy to oblige her!)

A few weeks before we moved Burke refinished this bed for the Cute Little Miss. I sold my crib and she has done so great in this bed. She really loves it (and so do I) Thanks Daddy!!

Time for updates . . . .

Wow . . . I know it has been too long. I have been putting all of this off I guess. Somehow it seems easier to pretend that everything is fine if you don't put it all in writing . . . and I have debated just not including the blogging world in any of it, simply because I think, what difference does it make if people that I don't see all that often know all of this stuff? But it feels a bit too much like living a lie. And (in case you didn't notice) I don't know what to write about (hence the lack of posts!) because there is just not a lot of ways to sugar coat the truth. I'm not really looking for sympathy as much as I am just seeking to be more authentic-- and maybe if I get this off my chest I can get back to "fun" blogging a bit more!

Our move to Colorado the summer of 2008 was a surprise to me. I thought we would be in Pinedale at least a while longer. It felt a bit sudden, but the confirmation of the Spirit was unmistakable that we were to move. I don't know how much Burke knew at that time about the state of the company he worked for--as the summer progressed and we prepared to move it became clear they were in deep water financially. But the move to Colorado was supposed to fix that so we weren't too worried. In fact we bought another house in Colorado even though our home in Wyoming hadn't sold yet! These decisions were made thoughtfully with fasting and prayer. We felt we were being led--and I know that we were. It was tough-- that not knowing how things were going to shake out and still seeking to press forward with faith. I felt so much peace and calm in my heart about this though. Things with Burke's company didn't get better once we had moved-- though I was oblivious to this for several weeks. By the middle of November we had failed to receive three consecutive paychecks-- and I was starting to worry. By the end of December the job was gone and we were left without being paid since mid October. We were in way over our heads. We were drowning in debt and had no income.

We were blessed there weren't many days Burke stayed home-- it kept us sane to have him doing something even if it wasn't even close to "enough" income. I considered heavily going to work, but found that the cost of child care was astronomical and let's face it, I just really didn't want to have to leave my babies anyway. Besides that I had a secret-- that I couldn't tell anybody--especially not Burke when he was facing so much pressure. My health was deteriorating rapidly. I made a lot of excuses. I had two little kids and often was up in the night. That was why I was so exhausted all the time. My hair was falling out like crazy. I blamed my birth control. I was achy and sore all the time. I was finding it increasingly difficult to lift my children or hold them for very long. Again, I blamed my birth control. Some days I just barely got off the couch-- just to change diapers and feed the kids. I saved all of my energy for the end of the day an hour or two before Burke would be home and I would get up and dress myself, clean the house and make dinner-- I just couldn't let him see how bad I was feeling physically. I was lying to myself, but I couldn't face it-- I didn't want to be sick and I didn't have time to be sick. Besides I was "pulling it off"-- no one really knew. This went on for several months. Finally in the early summer (2009) I told Burke (turns out I wasn't hiding it as well as I thought-- ha!) and I committed to have something done about it. It still took me a few months to work up the courage to face it really. And it took from July to February of this year before we really knew that I have lupus. Through the last year we have continued to struggle financially and we are continuing to make good progress there, though we still have a ways to go. Our Pinedale home was foreclosed on last fall-- I cried for weeks. Just before Christmas we decided it was time to sell our home in Colorado. We had a 50% income reduction since we had qualified for the home and it was just too much stress each month juggling our expenses. So we moved last month into a little rental home around the corner from our old home. And let me tell you how happy it has made me :) Nothing feels as good as having expenses you can meet each month!

Everyone has challenges. No ones are the same. My challenges are for me and yours are for you. To compare whose might be "worse" is unfair to ourselves and those around us. My problems are just as big to me as yours are to you. They are not less significant than yours, they are not more significant than yours. God loves each of His precious children, and He mercifully and graciously allows us to be challenged and tried in the way(s) that will bless us for our highest good. It doesn't always feel merciful and kind without the benefit of having the entire picture in front of us-- so that is why we have to find a way to continue to trust Him. To allow Him to comfort us when things don't turn out the way we had prayed for and hoped for and thought we would qualify for. I can't say there haven't been days when I have deeply wrestled with questions of "Why" and wondering about God's plan for me. And you know I guess that is just part of life-- the unfolding of how things turn out for better or for worse. We don't know! The one thing I have come to know is that change is certain. Things WILL change. Sometimes the changes will feel good and be happily welcomed. And sometimes they won't feel so good and will cause us pain as well as an opportunity to reflect on just what it is that we really believe.

I am learning more and more about the Atonement of Christ and how that offering is a gift to heal ALL things that are broken in our lives. There is nothing exempt. I am thankful for that gift to strengthen and bless me and help me improve each day. I am thankful for the gift of the Spirit to comfort and sustain, and for the tender mercies I can see each day. It blesses me so much to look for the hand of the Lord in my life each day. I know He is real, He loves me, and He knows my name.

Quotables

I know this is pictureless and there are a lot of things to update, but for now, I am writing a few things my kids have been saying that have brought me joy.

It is fun to hear Preston make up songs and rhymes lately. He is pretty creative. This morning while we were snuggling by the fireplace he made up a song for me:

"Mommy Mommy Mommy Mom
You are fine
You love me
I love you
Everybody loves each other
and that is the end!"

Rebekah is also quite the singer. It doesn't matter where she is--if there is a song on her mind she really belts it out. It cracks me up and makes me wonder why or when we ever let ourselves be inhibited by what other people deem appropriate. Rebekah sings in the car, she sings while she cleans her room or plays with her toys. She sings while we shop, she sings in the bathtub. She is still learning words to her favorites and has learned to substitute words when she forgets the right ones.

From Skidamarinky dinky dink: "Skidamarinky stinky stink . . . I love you!"

From Old MacDonald: "And on that farm he had a . . . he had a . . . farm E-I-E-I-O" my guess is she has no idea what a "farm" is so it might as well be an animal!

From I love to see the Temple: "I'll prepare myself while I am "yum-yum" this is my sacred "doootee"--To me she is yum yum ;)