The one where Baby G left

I have been putting this post off-- because it still makes me get teary. I didn't mean to fall head- over-hills in love with someone else's baby. But I did. And I feel like someone cut off my arm or something because this cute face is not smiling at me everyday anymore. Sweet Baby G started coming to play at our house when she was still brand new-- 6 weeks old. I could not believe how tiny she was. I wondered how to feel about her at first-- would I be stepping over my bounds to tell her I loved her? What should I call myself when I was talking to her and I was telling her understood when she was in pain? (For my own children, I still tell them "Mommy knows, I am sorry it hurts, I love you, we will find a way to make it better"), Would it be okay to sing my baby lullabies to her--even though she wasn't mine? -- before long it is was clear that I had no say in the matter: she had my whole heart. Perhaps mothers only know one way to love. And oh my how I fell in love with those "chocolate" eyes (according to Preston) and that sweet little grin.

My children were completely enthralled with her from the beginning and couldn't wait to have a turn to hold her, to run for her diapers and bottle, to talk to her through tummy time and to just bask in her delight-fullness-- You know I have lost my mind to unabashed affection when I start making up my own words to describe a little person. And that is how I feel about Baby G. She has filled a hole in our home and our hearts when a new baby has not been a possibility. We have been so blessed with all of the blessings a baby brings to a home. Babies bring so much love. Everyone speaks a little softer, and a little kinder when there is a little one around. And love just grows and grows.

Wonderful changes have come for Baby G's family that have made her days with us no longer necessary. But I will always remember this year as the one where we had Baby G and how many beautiful blessings she brought to us. We will always have great love for this little sweetie.

What are you going to be on Halloween Night?

Halloween was fun as it always is. My kids were disappointed that I didn't dress up (which was funny because I never do--but this year they noticed) We went to a friend's Halloween party a few weeks ago and then we hit the trunk or treat at the church on Halloween night. My kids still think this is awesome and I think it is so simple so I love it too.

Preston as a ghost-- he made me keep cutting the hole for his face bigger and bigger-- it really bothered him to have it on his face at all. I pinned it to this hat which I guess should have been white-- I was not really worried about the details on this one :) He liked it, but was really ready to get out of it when the night was over (by 7:30).

Waiting in line for the "Haunted Spook Alley" that went through a trailer and was mostly cute less scary. My kids thought it was great.

This is classic Rebekah-- can't decide what to have so I will just have it all at once!

Our pretty fairy princess.

Thirty

I guess I am growing up! I am finally 30. I actually have been looking forward to it all year-- even though I am not sure why. I have so many blessings and I feel content with many things in my life. I have so much room to progress, but this year I feel like I have finally embraced who I am and have stepped into my unique role and my unique voice in ways I have been unwilling to before. And I am grateful that it only took me 30 years to love myself enough to be different from everyone else. I am glad that I look like myself. I am glad that I have my husband, my children, my life. It is mine. No one else has one like it. Even though there are certainly things I would love to have different, I have spent a great deal of time on my knees this year asking God to give me a grateful heart. Not just gratitude that things aren't worse. Gratitude for what IS. All of it. It is still a work in progress. I still need more humility, more trust in my Savior, more selflessness, more understanding and willingness to see things from another's viewpoint. I don't pretend that I have mastered this, only that I aspire to have this attitude. To be grateful with all of my heart that my life is mine. To feel peace with both my blessings, and my trials.
Burke made me this yummy cake for my birthday. He was so cute fussing over the whole thing and working to make my day special. He is so fantastic. Seriously, I wonder how I got such a wonderful husband. So blessed!

I got a new camera! And I like it. It is not too fancy (which is good, I get intimidated by fancy)--overall a HUGE improvement :) So who knows? Maybe I will take more pictures which always helps me blog more. I just have to get in the habit of taking more pictures again!!

Here are the kids posing for me as I was trying it out!

Rebekah was seriously out of control and crazy. I have about 10 more pics of her being crazy. What a funny girl!

Of note other un-pictured highlights:

• Preston and Rebekah insisted on taking me to Chuck E. Cheese for dinner and games Friday night. It was really fun and so cute that they thought of that fun way to celebrate with me.
  
• They also helped Burke pick out my presents and they were amazingly good at not giving any direct hints. So cute & I loved sharing their excitement about birthdays!
• Beautiful New Bedroom Bedding set. I can't believe Burke and the kids picked this out themselves. I love it!
  
• Burke took me out to dinner Saturday night and then we browsed the bookstore for what seemed like hours. I love going to the bookstore without my kids!
• The primary had their first practice for our Sacrament meeting Presentation on my birthday. They were amazing. I love those children so much and even with the stress of putting this all together, I am excited to see them working so hard and sharing their developing testimonies. It is so beautiful to be with the primary children each week.
  

I am Officially Old (I now have a Kindergartner)

I am still in shock over it, even though the school year is already finishing it's first quarter! What happened to my little baby?! Preston is really enjoying Kindergarten. He loves his teacher and enjoys going each day. I cried a few times privately in the week before the first day, but when the day came Preston was so unconcerned that he didn't even say goodbye to me! I shed a tear or two on my way home, and then I felt fine about it. Seeing a few Mom's who were having to be strong for their frightened little ones assured me that I wouldn't have it any other way. I was grateful he felt so confident and happy to go (Because I was feeling slightly less so) and he continues to love going each day. It makes it much easier that he loves it so much!

Just before we left for school on the first day :)

He was SO excited!

Celebrating with our back to school dinner (I guess I didn't get a picture of his red plate!) and then eating our Giant Cookie!

Hill Family Reunion 2011

I have been remiss in posting about this only because I took no pictures. Not a single one :( We went to Island Park over Labor Day weekend. It was so wonderful! I am one of those oober lucky people that has amazing in-laws, and Burke's parents and all of his siblings/ in-laws, and his niece and nephews were there. We also were excited to meet Brooke who will be joining the family officially right after Christmas! Since I have no pictures here are a few highlights that I enjoyed (in no particular order):

• Family Picture Bingo
• Games and Play-dough with the kiddies
• Walking to church in the mountains
  
• The Cat-Eye Night Hike
• Pedicures
• Canoeing Warm River
• The Brother's Bike Ride
• Reading Burke's journal that his parents kept for him when he was small.
• looking at scrapbooks and old funny family photos
• laughing until my sides hurt
  
• All of Grandma's Yummy treats and food :)

We also were lucky enough to sneak in a quick visit with my parents and Ron and Brittany Lyn on Monday evening. Then, Tuesday we went to Grandma and Grandpa Hill's to see the chocolate factory and we tried a few new flavors (Huckleberry Creme anyone?) and had a nice visit there. Afterwards, we went to Grandma and Grandpa Ferguson's and enjoyed fresh tomato sandwiches on Grandma's famous toast before we hit the road for home. It had been far too long since we had enjoyed a visit with them, so I was thankful we had the chance to go and see them. I wish we had found time to see my Grandma Youd before we left, but hopefully I will get to see her & Grandpa over the upcoming holidays. As always, it was too quick, but we are all counting down the days when we will get together for fun times again!!

Temple Square

On our way to Idaho for Labor Day weekend, we stopped at Temple Square to see the model of the Salt Lake Temple. It was so beautiful and wonderful to talk with our little children about our testimonies of the temple and see so many details of the building both inside and out. I have not been to the Salt Lake temple for an endowment session since right after we were married, I was surprised how many of the details I actually remembered about the ordinance rooms.

We went at about 10:00 in the morning on a Friday so there weren't tons of people around, but enough that I couldn't get a clear shot of the inside of the model-- there is a picture of it inside the September 2011 Friend. Anyway, it was so beautiful and hearing my children's ideas and opinions about the temple was so sweet.
I can't wait to be inside this building with these little sweeties someday. How I hope they know how important it is to me.

They were also very impressed with the conference center-- it was fun just to tell them about how the prophet and apostles would be speaking here in just a few more weeks. They thought that was amazing :)

I really love the temple. I wish right now more than ever I lived nearer to a temple. I find myself aching for more opportunities to attend. I am so sad to live so far away (and that I didn't treasure it enough when I lived right by it.) Realizing of course that when I say "so far away" it is still relatively easy for me to get to the temple and many people in the world would consider a day trip to the temple an easy distance-- but working out the child care seems to be the big hitch-- it is just a really big day to leave my kids with a friend or to pay a sitter (though I have done those things). But in the end those are excuses, and I need to make more regular attendance to the temple a priority. How else will I teach my children how important it really is to me? I am looking forward to getting my recommend renewed as it will expire soon. I love to assess where I am and report my worthiness before the Lord and find my spirit renewed with determination to make time for the blessings of temple.

Children Will Listen . . .

I have been thinking a great deal lately about my precious children. Like many of you, I am blessed with active, spirited children who push limits, and have wildly independent thought. I find myself completely overwhelmed in some moments. There was one day this week when I turned into Mommy Monster. I knew I was out of line, but oh how they pushed me that day. And I snapped. And I said awful things. Things I didn't mean. I pushed them away with unkind words and calloused impatience. And after I had sent them off to their beds that night, I had that heaviness in my heart. I knew I was so wrong. So in tears, I knelt in prayer to right myself before God. He is kind and forgiving. He is merciful and just. He is patient with my shortcomings and He {still} believes in me as a Mother. And most important, He is ever willing to guide my steps and give me the strength I need to improve. He teaches me to guide with love in my heart. Because they are not mine; they are His. And even though I cannot fathom how, I know He loves them even more than I do.

When I was a freshman in college my two younger sisters were in a musical, "Into The Woods". I went every night I could, I can remember going at least 2 times. Each time when my amazingly talented friend Rachel would sing the hauntingly beautiful refrain of "Children will Listen" I would cry and cry. I thought it very weird--as I had no children of my own and was not even close to having them, but I was so moved and knew I would reflect on it one day when I had children of my own. And the day has finally come-- when I understand a little more what the song really means. (And it still makes me cry . . .)

Here it is . . . (And I must apologize that this singer is so scantily clad--there were no other YouTube versions that I liked the presentation of-- so just close your eyes!)